


Only when I lose myself

by aythia



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anonymous Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-05
Updated: 2012-10-03
Packaged: 2017-11-15 13:17:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aythia/pseuds/aythia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is an actor, Jared is just your average student. Due to persistent friends they end up in the same annoying nightclub. Who needs talking when there is attraction?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Masterpost can be found at <http://aythia.livejournal.com/56095.html>

~Jared~  
Well, yeah, so this was _really_ not his thing. The heat in the club was suffocating and the music did make him remember why he hated clubs. Not dislike or “I prefer something else”, oh no, it was pure hate. Jared didn’t know if he hated the music more than the crowd, the crowd more than the smell or the smell more than the music. Some big guy brushed past him on the way to the dance floor and oh okay, he _so_ hated the smell most. He almost missed the days when smoking was allowed everywhere, not that he was all that fond of tobacco but it did beat the smell of sweat and Axe. What was it with straight men and Axe?  
He sighed and took another sip of his somewhat stale beer and eyed his friend out on the floor, he didn’t know if Chad actually intended to look stupid while dancing or if it just happened by default. Stupid or not Chad seemed to enjoy himself, or at least enjoy the blonde who was grinding against him. With another sigh Jared pushed his too long hair out of his face and clenching his jaw together in annoyance.

This was a waste of time! He could be home and… well, ok. His expression turned a bit sulky when he realised he didn’t really have anything better to do. It was quite tragic and he started feeling even sorrier for himself.  
Chad came bounding over to where he sat moping and flopped out on the chair next to him.

“Dude!” he exclaimed over the thunderous music. “Enough with the killjoy attitude, you are supposed to be my wingman!”

Jared raised an unbelieving eyebrow at Chad and put down his beer.

“Chad, you are an idiot.” Chad gave him an affronted look and bent over to snag his beer. “Why do you choose a gay wingman? And why do you even need a wingman when you always find some blonde skank to share bodily fluids with?” Jared asked and couldn’t suppress his grin when Chad scowled at the beer, then he laughed out loud when Chad scowled again at his grin.

“Maybe, if you were a good wingman I wouldn’t have to do with skanks. And as for the gay part? Faghags dude, faghags!”

Jared groaned and took his beer back.

“Yes, I see how this great plan of yours would benefit me… oh wait… “

His voice was dripping with sarcasm and he saw Chad roll his eyes. Chad did like sarcasm but not when it was directed at him.

“At least if you were dancing someone might spot you. You might get laid. Doubt you get much dick hiding in the corner.”

Jared didn’t bother answering that statement, instead they both looked back at the dance floor where Chad’s “skank” had found someone new to grind with. Chad glared at her but then he shrugged a little and let his eyes wander.

“Blonde guy in the corner?” he suggested and Jared couldn’t help but smile.  
“Are you my wingman now?”  
“What goes around you know,” said Chad with a wide grin that reminded Jared of why they were best friends. Sometimes he honestly did forget.  
“Nah, not pretty enough… or gay enough,” he added with a grin when the guy in question started shoving his tongue down some girls throat. “Your gaydar is fubar.”

He downed the last of the so called beer and wondered if it was even worth getting another one. Chad decided for him when he bounced up.

“Shots!” he roared and pulled Jared to his feet.

Considering the earlier realisation that he didn’t have anything better to do he went with it and half an hour later they were both drunk enough to be dancing even though no one of them actually could dance. That was really not the point after all.

Considering how straight Chad always claimed to be, once drunk he really had surprising few objections to dancing very close to Jared, and Jared was too nice to make fun of him about it. At least not too much. At least not all the time. Right now he didn’t complain about it, having fun with Chad did beat drinking stale watery beer, and grinding against his supposedly straight friend was better than not grinding at all. Not that he ever thought of Chad that way, Chad just wasn’t his type. To be honest it sometimes surprised him that Chad was anyone’s type, he was after all rude, big mouthed with huge ego and a lot of other things that really weren’t compliments. But he was also fun and deep inside he did care, really _really_ deep inside.

~Jensen~  
Chris and Steve burst out of the car and was almost bouncing with eagerness before Jensen slid out of the passenger seat. As friends went, they were good but sometimes he really felt like strangling them. Sometimes being quite often. He looked at the club and couldn’t help a frown, of all their ideas for partying this seemed to be the worst one.

“Jennyboy, hurry up or all the lookers will be taken,” Chris called.  
“My name is not Jenny and if you call me that again you can forget all hopes that I ever come out with you assholes again,” Jensen scowled.

This was beyond a bad idea. This was the idea that gave birth to bad ideas and Chris yelling just made it that much worse. To be dragged out like this was bad enough, but if Chris kept pulling attention to them then he would get recognized and that could not happen. The loud disco music was enough, he did not need to add screaming fangirls to this picture.

“Jen, darling, sweetie,” Steve drawled. “Move your pretty ass and let’s party? No one will know it’s you, you aren’t that famous.”

Jensen laughed a little at that, trust his old high school friends to put his feet back on the ground. And either way, it was not like they would let him back out so he might as well join them and get some drinks in. The taxi they had arrived in rolled away as they went up to the line. The guy guarding the line made big eyes when he saw them arrive and Jensen felt his stomach drop a bit, so much for not being recognized, but the man didn’t say anything, just waved them to the front of the line and let them in, much to the dismay of the people waiting outside.  
The club was pretty much his standard nightmare, too much people and too bad music. Steve and Chris led him straight to the bar and he guessed that enough alcohol would make this place bearable. Just then Britney Spears boomed out of the speakers. So, not bearable but at least the alcohol could make him forget about this night altogether.

“Common Jenny, we should dance,” Steve was slurring some two hours later. “We could take pictures and I could prove to everyone that I got to dance with the great Jensen A…ouch!”  
He rubbed angrily at his leg were Chris had kicked him and then he realised what he had been about to say and his eyes grew comically big when he slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Jesus Steve, go yelling like that and we will never drag Jenny out of Hollywood again,” Chris complained and downed another shot of tequila.  
Jensen raised an eyebrow but he didn’t bother complaining about the nickname, he knew that the more he said the more they would insist on calling him Jenny.

“I do leave Hollywood,” he said. “You asses always drag me out to never heard of clubs and half of the time the guards have to sneak us out the back. That’s why we stick to Hollywood.”  
“Want some cheese and crackers to go with that whine of yours?” Chris asked with a smirk and pushed over another shot to him. “Lets do what the drunken moron said and do some dancing, rubbing bodies is always a good idea.”

Grudgingly Jensen let himself be pulled out on the over crowded dance floor and after a while he had to agree that it was kind of fun, neither Chris nor Steve could dance to save their lives so at least it was entertaining to watch. Then he turned his head and froze on the spot.

Across the dance floor two guys were dancing, the shorter blonde one was laughing and wrapping one arm around his friends waist while eyeing the girls around them. But the other guy... he was... Jensen’s brain seemed to have short circuit. The guy was tall, inches taller than anyone around, and built with broad shoulders and narrow hips and shaggy brown hair framed a beautiful face with slanted eyes and he had dimples.  
Dimples had always been a soft spot for Jensen. The man was gorgeous, simple as that, and when the guy wrapped an arm around his smaller friend Jensen felt a surge of something that could only be labelled as jealousy. Jensen wanted.

~Jared~

  
Jared wrapped one arm around Chad’s shoulders and laughed, for such a crap start he was enjoying himself surprisingly much. Alcohol was a friend indeed. And then as he turned and looked out over the floor it changed into one of the best nights ever.

The guy was staring at him and his green eyes triggered something deep in Jared’s belly, a hot surge of want and he had never been this aware of his own body before, those eyes on him triggered something dark and needy deep inside him. The man looked fantastic, dark blonde hair gelled into a spiky disarray and those lips... Jared’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of those full lips.  
The guy was dressed in a tight black tee and dark grey jeans that looked faded in that artful way that screamed expensive. He stood perfectly still between two others dancing and when Jared met his gaze the plump lips turned up in a smile.

Without thinking Jared let go of Chad and started weaving his way through the crowd of dancing people, stopping just in front of the other man. The green eyes didn’t leave his and when he got closer he could see tiny sparks of gold in the mossy green.  
Neither of them spoke, they just moved closer and when their bodies touched Jared could feel the electricity between them.

The stranger put his arms around Jared’s neck as Jared put his hands on the man’s hips. Their eyes stayed locked as their hips moved in slow circles, bodies flushed together.  
He wasn’t aware who moved in first but suddenly their lips collided and Jared’s breath caught as he felt a soft tongue push his lips apart. The sharp taste of alcohol was the first he noticed but beyond that was something different, a sweetness that made him suck that tongue into his mouth and push their bodies even closer. He was barely aware of the music changing into something faster, their bodies moved in a rhythm of their own, oblivious of the surroundings.  
Jared could feel the other man's hard cock against his thigh and he himself was hard as a rock as well. He had never felt this kind of instant attraction before, but he didn’t try to stop his mind from imagining this beautiful guy without his perfectly fitting clothes.

~Jensen~  


Jensen gasped for breath but he didn’t want to stop touching this tall perfect man, didn’t want the kisses to stop. He withdrew a little, just enough to meet those slanted cat eyes, a mix of green, blue and brown, and in them he could see the mirroring of his own want, his need. Before he could stop to think he pulled the man with him off the dance floor. He hesitated a bit when he saw the lines to the toilets but before he could think further he saw the guard from outside and he walked to him with the other man still following.

The guard smirked a bit when he saw them but he didn't say anything, he just nodded and led them off to a door that he unlocked and let them into the small office. Jensen thanked his lucky star that he had been recognized and then he locked the door behind them.

The second the lock clicked he shoved the other man against the wall and pushed their lips together, those soft lips were perfection against his own, warm and with a sweet taste that he couldn’t get enough of. His tongue seemed to move of its own, licking its way into the tall man's mouth, sinful twist and swirl before he sucked the man's tongue into his own mouth.  
Without thinking he let his fingers slide under the other man's shirt and he could feel soft, smooth skin under his fingertips and he knew right there that there was no stopping this, not that he wanted it to stop, ever.

Jensen pulled back and turned the other man around so that he faced the wall and worked the buttons of his jeans up from behind, the other man's head tilting back as a soft moan escaped his lips. He couldn’t help his gasp when his hand wrapped around the man's hard cock, he felt it was bigger than any one he had ever felt before and if he didn’t feel such an unbearable need he would have loved to wrap his lips around it.  
As it was he could not waste time on things like that, instead he pulled a condom and a small pack of lube out of his pocket, happy he always came prepared. He pulled the other man's jeans down and made fast work of his boxers as well and couldn’t stop a growl of appreciation at the image in front of him, long muscular legs and that rounded inviting ass.

He lubed up two fingers and slowly started to circle them over the puckered skin, feeling how the man tensed up for a second before a moan escaped his lips. As his fingers touched the warm skin he could feel his cock twitch in anticipation of what was to come.

Jensen couldn’t hold back his own moan as he slowly pushed one finger into the other man, the tight heat felt amazing, almost burning hot around his digit and the response from the stranger was immediate, with a keening sound he pushed back against Jensen and the finger slid all the way in. Jensen didn’t give the man much time to adjust before he pushed a second finger inside and this time the man's whole body tensed up and Jensen knew he must feel a burn at the sudden intrusion but even though his muscles were painfully tight around the fingers the only sound that came was a moan of pure pleasure.  
Jensen had never had a man this willing, or a man that triggered this amount of raw want in him. He scissored his fingers, stretching the tight hole and pulling soft moans and whimpers from the tall man with every flex of his fingers.

~Jared~

  
Every rational thought seemed to be gone and all Jared had left to focus on was the feeling of two fingers working him open. The push and pull and the sweetest friction imaginable. He didn’t know who this man was, if he did this often, and he didn’t care, not as long as his touch kept sending bolts of pleasure through Jared. The green eyed man pushed both fingers all the way in and the pleasure was double, tripled, when he touched that spot deep inside.

Suddenly the fingers were removed and Jared couldn’t hold back a disappointed whimper as he pushed back against the man, longing to be filled again. His breath came heavy now, hard gulps of air pulled down his lungs and before he could pull himself together enough to beg he heard the tell tale sound of a condom wrapper being pulled open.

 _This_ was what he wanted, what he had wanted from the second those green eyes had met his. When he felt the push slicked cock head a shiver of anticipation rushed through him and he forced his body to relax, to open up.  
The first burn made him tense, he knew that the prep had been too fast but neither of them wanted to wait any longer, they couldn't wait longer. Even with the burning, the feeling was amazing, he could feel himself stretch open around the cock, squeezing it tight as it slid inside him inch by inch and for a second he cursed the condom separating them but then the other man was bottomed out, flesh against flesh. The man moved both hand to Jared’s hips, holding him still, pads of his thumps making soothing circles over hot skin.

Slowly the man pulled back out until only the tip of his cock was still holding Jared open and Jared tried to push back, to get that feeling of being filled to the breaking point back but the man's grip on his hips was hard enough to bruise and Jared had no choice but to just take what he was given.

At first the thrusts were tantalizingly slow, lazy slide in and out that send shivers down his spine, but just when Jared thought he wouldn’t be able to take more the pace changed, the strangers hips snapped forward in a fast move that had Jared gasping for air.

Time and time again the man pulled out and slammed back in until Jared thought his legs wouldn’t hold him much longer. He could still hear the music of the club but it didn’t really register with him, the only sounds that mattered were the gasps and moans, the growls and the whimpers and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. He could feel the orgasm building in him, bright sparks of pleasure putting every nerve ending on fire.

Part of him wanted this to last longer but he was too close already, he needed this. He couldn’t come like this, he knew it, the pleasure was amazing but it wasn’t enough. It seemed like the other man could read his mind though, because just then he moved one hand from Jared's hip and wrapped it around his hard cock, all wet from pre come, and that firm touch was all it took to push him over the edge.

~Jensen~  
When his hand closed around the other man's hard cock he could feel the tall man's body tense up, every spasm of muscle like a vice around his own cock and as the cock in his hand started shooting scorching hot come over his hand he couldn’t hold back his own orgasm any more.

He bit back a scream as blinding white pleasure surged through him, effectively wiping away anything that wasn’t here and now, that wasn’t this man's body clenching around him, hot and tight and when the last pulse of come left his body he thought he might black out from what could only be described as the most amazing orgasm he had ever felt.

As the orgasm ebbed out he felt weak and when the other man's knees seemed to buckle they both sank down on the floor, Jensen still buried in the other man's ass and a little part of him just wanted to stay there, wanted to explore this body find out what it would feel like to bury his fingers in that brown, too long hair while those soft pink lips...

That though snapped him out of the post-orgasm bliss.

He did _not_ do this. Oh yes, the random hookup thing? That he did but not this. Not fucking some guy he never even talked to, he had style, there was usually flirting and drinks and beds involved. There was a build up, not this overwhelming, blinding feeling of _needherenowfucknow_. And even if there was? It sure as hell should not be followed by this longing for more. This was not how one night stands worked, this was not how _he_ worked.

He pulled back and out of the tall man, ignoring the disappointed whimpers and bit back on his own urge to whimper as well as silky soft heat was replaced with cold air. Without really thinking he pulled the condom off, disposing it in a trash can next to the door. When he got his clothes back in order he looked down at the man kneeling on the floor in front of him and for the briefest of moments he wanted nothing more than to return to him, to kiss every inch of golden skin, but then he pulled himself together and left the room without another look back.

~*~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen is an actor, Jared is just your average student. Due to persistent friends they end up in the same annoying nightclub. Who needs talking when there is attraction?

**  
_~Jared~_  
**  
“You don't do things like that!”

Jared sighed, it was not like Chad hadn't said that before, several times... in the last ten minutes. It wasn't like he himself had said the same thing to himself, several times.

“I know, but...”  
“Who was he?”

Jared stared at his friend for a minute, utterly amazed at how Chad seemed able to speak without actually using his brain.

“Chad, we didn't say a word. We just fucked. I told you that. Twice. How the fuck could I know who he was? Not like he left me his card.”

Chad flipped him off and then stretched out on the sofa, even though he had his own apartment not far away he seemed quite content with staying at Jared's most of the time.

“You know, I'm fucking proud of you dude,” Chad said with a wide grin. “I didn't know you had it in you. Way to embrace your inner slut!”

Jared couldn't help it, the laughter just bubbled up inside him and he almost fell off the sofa. Chad could be a crude douche of an asshole, but he was Jared's best friend and he always seemed to find a way to light up Jared's mood.  
He understood Chad though, this was far from Jared's usual behaviour and had someone told him two days ago that he would let some unknown guy fuck him in a club ten minutes after they saw each other, Jared would have laughed. Or hit them. Probably both.

Even now, the evening after, he couldn't explain what had driven him to walk over and throw himself at Green Eyes. That in itself was weird, but what followed? Letting Green Eyes take him to that little office and fuck him against the wall? That was Twilight Zone kind of weirdness.  
On the other hand, he didn't regret it and if he had to make the choice all over again, the outcome would be the same.

“I kinda understand why you did it,” Chad said later while they were sharing a pizza and watching re-runs of American Dad.  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah, well, honestly dude? That guy was hot enough to make me consider cock.”  
Jared rolled his eyes, the notion of Chad ever giving up on girls was quite ridiculous. And quite frightening, he sure hope he wouldn't have nightmares about that later.  
“It is strange though,” Chad went on ignoring the eye roll, “he looked familiar somehow.” 

Jared pondered that for a minute, because yeah, the guy _had_ looked familiar. Huh.

 

 

**_~Jensen~_ **

  
When Jensen opened his door he wasn't surprised to see Chris glowering at him from the other side of the threshold. He had known this moment would come since he ditched his two friends at the nightclub two days ago. If anything he was surprised it took this long.  
Chris didn't even bother to say anything, he just pushed past Jensen into the apartment, going straight for the kitchen while Jensen closed the door and returned to his spot on the sofa, a few well chosen curses mumbled under his breath.  
As predicted Chris soon joined him, two cold beers in his hands.

“Who was he?” Chris asked the second his ass hit the sofa, too straight forward to even pretend to beat around the bush.  
“Uhm...”

Chris' eyes widened almost comically as he took in Jensen's blushing face, then a big grin lit up his face.

“No way! Fucking hell Jenny, I was sure you knew him, the way you two just fell in each others arms.”

Jensen sighed and closed his eyes, he really wished he could have avoided this discussion, Chris knew him too well to let him off with half assed explanations and when he couldn't even explain it to himself how could he explain it to Chris?

“That's why you took off without telling us? Or did the guy recognize you and you just felt like leaving before the screaming horde of fangirls arrived?”  
“No, I don't think he did,” Jensen muttered and sipped his beer.

Two days and he still hadn't managed to grasp what had happened at the nightclub. The phrase “I don't _do_ things like that!” seemed to be on repeat in his mind. The tall and beautiful stranger kept crowding his thoughts and it was unnerving that he couldn't just put the incident behind him. It was only sex. Quite amazing sex but it shouldn't stick with him like that.

“Jen, what's up with you?” Chris asked with unusual softness in his voice.  
“Honestly Chris? I got no fucking idea. You know me, I don't _do_ things like that,” Jensen winced, apparently the phrase wasn't only in his mind any more.  
“What? One night stands? Sure you do. Not very often but...”  
“No, I mean... “ Jensen knew had to to explain this. He kept his eyes firmly locked on his beer as he stumbled over the words. “I don't fuck a guy in some back office only minutes after I met him. Damn Chris, we didn't even speak, we just fucked.” 

When only silence greeted his little outburst he looked up to see Chris stare at him with open mouth. Great, he had managed to render Christian fucking Kane speechless. Guess there was a first time for everything.  
Chris opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could get words out.

“Didn't speak?”  
“Not a word.”  
“Just fucked in some office?”  
“Sums it up about right, yeah.”  
“And then?”  
“And then nothing. I left.” 

And that was when Chris started laughing.  
Jensen sat looking at Chris who laughed until he had to wipe tears out of his eyes. Really, Jensen had not expected that reaction and he didn't know what to make of it. When Chris finally seemed to calm down he managed to giggle out “slut!” before he collapsed with laughter yet again.

“I am touched buy your comfort, your friendship means so much to me,” Jensen deadpanned.  
“Oh Jenny!” Chris exclaimed, ignoring the pillow that came soaring his way. “You are Mr. Super Careful for years and then you go and do something like this? Boy, I am fucking proud of you!”  
“Proud? For banging a stranger at a nightclub?” 

Chris rolled his eyes at that but then he smiled and nodded a little.

“Jen, you are always so careful, yeah, you are famous but you still need to live a little. Do stuff that are for _you_ , not for your fans or for that bitch you call your agent. Not always being afraid of someone recognizing you.”

This was an argument they had repeated several times since Jensen started to get noticed, he knew that his friends cared but usually it was Steve and not Chris who played the mother hen. And he wasn't as careful as they claimed to be. He wasn't.

“Not sure fucking strangers is the way to go,” Jensen mumbled, feeling the blush rise again.  
“Whatever, for once you did what _you_ wanted. That's good!”

Jensen pondered that in silence while finishing his beer, he had wanted it but looking back at it he knew it wasn't all he had wanted. He had wanted more.

 

 

**_~Jared~_**

  
Jared and Chad sat in front of the TV, some animé and beers waiting for them. At least once a month they bunkered down for animé marathon and neither cared if it made them the biggest geeks around. Okay, they might have cared a little, that was why they never told anyone about these nights. At least they had beers, beers made them macho. Or at least it out weighed the animé. 

“Do you think we are strange that never watch normal movies?” Jared asked as he opened his first beer.  
“I dunno,” Chad shrugged, “I kinda think we are strange but I doubt that our choice of movies are the reason you know.”

Jared made an amused sound at that and grabbed the remote to start their marathon. It was a movie they had both seen before and as the opening credits started to roll he let his mind start to wander.  
Within minutes his mind settled on the same place it had been returning to for the last week. The gorgeous stranger with the emerald green eyes, for some unknown reason Jared couldn't seem to leave that encounter behind him.

“This is so fucked up,” he groaned quietly some half an hour later.

He didn't need to explain, it wasn't the first time he had made that comment in the last week and Chad turned to him at once, movie forgotten as he opened another beer and prepared to lend Jared his ear.

“Jayman,” Chad sighed. “Why can't you let this go? Was the sex really that good?”

Chad had really earned himself a lot of friendship points over the last few days, his patience seemed to be never ending and that was so unlike Chad that it almost scared Jared. He was eternally grateful for it however, since that night in the club he had just felt off in a way he never had before.

“Yes. But that's not the point. It was just something about that night, about that guy. It irks me that I can't put my finger on what it was. We didn't even speak...”  
“Maybe that's why?” Chad asked.  
“Huh? What?” Jared stared at him through his bangs.  
“Well, you didn't speak. You know nothing about the guy except for his looks and what his cock feels like,” Chad went on, ignoring Jared's wince at his choice of words. “Maybe that is why you can't put it behind you, you want to know.” 

Jared blinked in surprise, when did Chad start making sense?

“Even if you are right though, how would I fix it? Not like I can put an add in the paper. And what the fuck would I say even if I could find him? 'Thanks for the nice fuck, hey, what's your name by the way?' Don't really see that going down well.”  
“How about 'Thanks for the nice fuck, I been totally crushing on you since that night',” Chad suggested.

Jared gaped at him, unable to find any words that came even close to be worth the air to speak them. Chad just sat looking at him calmly, waiting for him to gather himself together but as the silence stretched out without Jared speaking he made a huffy sound and went to the kitchen to get some more beers.  
Back in the sofa he opened the bottles and gave one to Jared who seemed to have calm down enough to move as he accepted the beer and then downed half of it in one go.

“Jeez Jared,” Chad snickered. “You seriously didn't know? I seen you crushing before, it is quite obvious. You get the puppy dog look.”  
“But...” Jared started but then quieted and shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Can we talk about something else? Like, how are you and Sophia doing?”

Chad sighed a little, reluctant to let the subject go but he figured Jared would bring it up again later, his friend reminded him of a dog with a bone sometimes.

“Sure man,” he agreed. “And me and Sophia are doing just fine, just waiting for her to realise what a stud I am so we can sleep together already. Although, lately I haven't been all that interested, not when all she can talk about is some movie star.”  
“Movie star? Is she celebrity crushing again?”  
“Sure sounds like it. It was some new movie that came awhile back. Hell if I know, we only watch Star Trek, animé and old horror movies, you know that. She just goes on about this 'Jensen Ackles' like he was God's gift to humanity. It's sickening, that's what it is!” 

Jared jumped at this change of subject, anything to make him focus on something else than Chad's accusation of a crush. Because really, it was _so_ not a crush.

“That was the movie she wanted you to see with her? When she didn't speak to you for days because you refused? You should have gone with her Chad, wouldn't it have been worth two or so hours of that Jensen whatever to get laid after the date?”

 

 

**_~Jensen~_ **

_  
The noise from the club quieted down as the door closed behind the two men and all Jensen could think of was the man standing just inches away from him, even without physical contact he could feel the electricity between them. Then the taller man put his hand on Jensen's hip and turned him around, once again pressing their lips together and everything around them seemed to fade out until all that mattered was the languid slide of lips and tongues._

_Jensen put his arms around the man's neck, letting his fingers twist into the locks of chestnut brown hair, enjoying the feel of the soft strands of hair as he deepened the kiss, feeling it morph into something new, something that seemed to set a spark alive deep within him.  
The movement of their tongues quickened and the softness of their kisses was replaced by a frantic urgency as their bodies were flushed together._

_It was the lack of oxygen that finally made them pull apart but even then they didn't let each other go, Jensen just let his mouth move down the other man's jaw and down to his neck. At first it was only kisses, licks over the taut skin but when he found the beating pulse the brown haired man made a slow gasp and Jensen let his teeth dig into that tempting spot, dragging a moan from the strangers lips._

_He wasn't sure who started it but suddenly he was aware of his hands under the man's shirt and the stranger's fingers pulling at his own tee and they moved apart enough to rid themselves of the shirts but the second the offending garments were off they moved back together, the feel of skin on skin was almost intoxicating. Their lips locked together again and Jensen's tongue licked the other man's mouth open, savouring the taste as his hands moved over strong shoulders and a muscular back.  
The pure, raw need started to get overwhelming as he felt all that naked skin under the tips of his fingers, so much skin and yet not close to enough._

_Fingers fumbled as he started working on the man's fly at the same time as the other man tried opening Jensen's, their eyes met and both grinned before they quickly took a step back and removed their own clothes without taking their eyes of each other.  
The sight of the tall man all naked in front of him was enough for the breath to catch in his throat, golden skin stretched over hard muscles and the cock rock hard and already wet with pre come. It was a mouth watering view to take in._

_Without thinking Jensen sank down on his knees and put his hands on the man's narrow hips, softly caressing the paler skin before leaning in and running his tongue over the amazingly soft skin of the leaking cock. When he reached the head he whimpered as the salty taste hit his tongue and instead of taking it slow he bent forward to let the hard flesh slide between his lips.  
A moan pushed out of him as he felt the hot weight on his tongue, the salty musky taste exploding as he sucked slowly on the head before pushing forward until he got tears in his eyes as the cock hit the back of his throat._

_It was better than anything he could have imagined, the taste and the feel set his body on fire and the sounds from the other man only added to the heat coursing through his body. He loved the way a twist of his tongue could pull a moan, a soft sucking was rewarded with a gasp as the stranger buried his fingers in Jensen's hair, pushing his cock deeper into the warm suction and shuddering as Jensen moved one hand to close around the softness of his balls.  
With a groan he pulled back, feeling disappointed as he let the hard cock leave his mouth but he knew what he wanted, what he needed, and quickly he got the lube out of the pocket of his discarded jeans and slicked his fingers at the same time as he pulled the other man down on the floor in front of him. Seeing that tall, gorgeous body laid out for him had his cock throbbing with anticipation._

_Jensen took a few deep breaths to calm down as he moved his slick fingers to brush the cleft of the tall man's ass, a smile spreading as the man let his leg fall apart to grant easy access. The man let out a keening sound as Jensen's fingers slowly started circling the pink rim and Jensen had to put one hand against his hip to keep him still while he slowly pushed inside with one finger. The heat surrounding his finger was amazing and the tight muscle squeezed around him, already having him longing to bury his cock in that silky hotness._

_As he pushed a second finger inside and started working the hole open, the man on the floor tried again to push against his hand, wanting to get more inside, his body seemed to almost suck the fingers back inside and when Jensen brushed that sweet spot inside the man a soft cry of pleasure left his lips.  
Jensen scissored his fingers, moving in small circles to stretch the muscle, at the same time as he used the rest of the lube to slick his own cock, hissing at the sparks that rushed through him as he stroked himself._

_Slowly he removed his fingers, chuckling softly at the disappointed sound that came from the stranger, and then he positioned himself between the man's legs, hard cock aligned to that glistening wet opening. Identical moans escaped the men as Jensen's cock pressed softly against the other man's ass and the man arched up, pushing Jensen's cock just inside the rim.  
He kept on pushing forward with excruciating slowness, feeling himself surrounded by slick velvety soft heat, so tight that he had to fight not to come right there and then._

_His teeth bit into his lower lip as he finally was bottomed in the man's ass, staying still to let him get used to being stretched around Jensen's cock. When he lifted his head he met the other man's eyes, pupils blown wide with lust and mouth open, ragged gasps leaving his body. The man lifted his legs, wrapped them around Jensen's waist and rolled his hips.  
Jensen understood and with a small nod he started moving, slow pull out before he pushed himself back in, those long legs grasping tighter around him as the man moaned loudly when Jensen's cock dragged over that spot deep inside. The body under his was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, making every dip and curve of muscle and bone stand out even more._

_Suddenly the man under him put one arm around Jensen's neck, pulling him down and once again slanting their lips over each other, letting tongues move in rhythm with their thrusts. Lips on lips and skin on skin and that was all there was, all that Jensen could focus on as he felt his orgasm slowly building inside him, sparkling heat crackling under his skin.  
It seemed like the kisses pushed it all to an entirely new level, he felt unbelievably connected with the wonderful stranger, breaths and moans shared between movement of hips and lips._

_He pulled back a little, enough to look into those catlike eyes, seeing his own lust and need reflected there. The stranger opened his mouth and spoke... but no sound was heard. Jensen's brow furrowed and he asked the man to repeat, but even though he tried, no words left his lips..._

Jensen gasped, sitting up suddenly in his bed, the dream still vivid in his mind, it was not the first time in the last two weeks he had woken up after dreaming versions of the night at the club, and as usual his cock was hard enough to cut diamonds.  
As sensual as the dreams were, he always felt unnerved when he woke up but this was the first time he had woken up like this, shivering and gasping for breath. If he was to be honest with himself he knew what the dreams meant, he wasn't completely stupid after all, even though looking back at that night two weeks ago he thought that maybe he was.

He had fucked up.

The dreams were never like that night at the club, the dreams were _more_. Where there in reality had only been frantic want, a need to get off, the dreams offered closeness and a connection that almost scared him. Or maybe, a voice inside him added, maybe the dreams showed what would have been had you not left like you did. If you had dared to stay, dared to speak to him.

Yes, he had fucked up indeed and it seemed like he was being haunted for it. The dimpled stranger was in his thoughts and in his dreams and Jensen felt like he had to do something about this soon. This time around he wanted to do right, he wanted to _speak_ to the man, to see if the connection was only in his dreams, but he had no idea how to make that happen. How do you find one beautiful man in a city of millions?

 

 

**_~Jared~_ **

  
Jared sighed happily as the lecturer finished the lesson and he could finally pack up his books and get outside, even though they were a bit into September the heat was pressing and it seemed like the air conditioner had broken yet again.  
As he got outside the campus he saw Chad sitting on the hood to his old truck nursing a soda and apparently waiting for Jared to get to him.

“Dude,” Chad greeted him, “do we live in heaven or what? The warmer it gets, the shorter the skirts!”

That remark earned him some hateful looks from a few girls passing buy and Jared bit back a laugh as he saw one of the girls carefully pull at the hem of her skirt. He took the soda from Chad and pulled himself up next to his friend.

“What are you doing here, Chad? Shouldn't you be off with Soph somewhere?” he asked, emptying the almost warm soda.  
“Nah, she is with Sandy,” Chad said. “Apparently that Ackles movie came out on Blu-Ray yesterday so they had to watch it today. Several times I think. What the ever fuck kind of title is 'The Way We Lose' anyway? Even _you_ aren't gay enough to watch that shit.”

Jared had long ago stopped taking offence to Chad's comments, apparently it wasn't a good day in Chad's life if he didn't joke about Jared's sexuality a few times.

“You know, that guy seems to be all those two are thinking about lately, maybe we should watch one of his movies?”

The two men looked at each other and started giggling like teenagers. No, they would not sit together and watch some drama that girls cried themselves red eyed over.  
Chad jumped down from the hood and opened the door on the driver side.

“I have something we need to do Jay, come on, jump in,” he said and pulled the door shut behind him.  
“Where we heading?” Jared asked as they left the campus parking lot. “And wherever it is, can we get something to drink first? Fucking melting here, the literature class was hot as hell, boring as hell and the teacher ugly as hell.”  
“It is nice to be your friend Jared, you are such a ray of fucking sunshine.” 

Fifteen minutes later they left a gas station, sodas in hands and Chad singing terribly off key to some song pouring from the radio.  
Jared sat in silence for awhile, enjoying his cold drink and watching LA pass by outside the window. Then he started to recognize where they were and he slowly turned to Chad.

“Chad, why are we here? I thought I said I wanted to forget about that night. Fucking Christ, why are you taking me back to the club?”  
“As much as you want to forget, you been obsessing for the last three weeks, I am done with it so now we are here, one attempt to find out who the guy was, if it doesn't work I will never mention it again but come on, one try can't hurt,” Chad grinned happily and parked across the street from the club in question.

This must be a terrible idea. Jared should just refuse. But as much as he has vowed to put the incident behind him, three weeks had passed and Green Eyes was in his thoughts daily. In his dreams nightly. He didn't really have anything to lose after all, and if he could find Green Eyes? Maybe he would have everything to gain.

Inside the bartenders were getting prepared for the evening, none of them seemed bothered by the two men that entered, just eyed them quickly and then returned to whatever they had been doing. Chad went up to them, asked a few low questions and then returned to Jared, a frown on his face.

“Fuck, none of them worked that evening.”

Jared felt a thud somewhere in his belly, but he refused to acknowledge the disappointment that Chad's words caused. He turned to walk back outside when one of the bartenders called out for them.

“Hey, guys,” a bald guy came round the bar and waved them over. “None of us worked that evening, and honestly, even if we did we probably wouldn't remember many faces but check with the guy that had the door that evening? I think he is in the back office right now.”

The back office. Jared did not want to see that room right now, his insides were already twisting together in a hard knot and he was sure that if he had to go inside that room again he would get to see what already swallowed soda looked like.  
Just then they heard the door open and the guard in question came strolling outside, raising an eyebrow in recognition as he saw Jared.

“Jeff!”, the bald guy called out. “These two have some questions about a person that was here... uhm, what did you say? Three weeks ago?”  
“Yeah, Saturday three weeks ago,” Jared supplied weakly. Everything suddenly felt too real.  
“What kind of question?” the dark haired guard said doubtfully.  
“My friend here,” Chad said, saving Jared from having to open his mouth again, “he met this guy you see, and we are trying to find him. The guy, not my friend. Obviously.” 

Both Jeff and the bartender looked at Chad like he was slightly insane. People often looked at Chad that way.

“You are serious?” Jeff said after a moment, “I mean.. you are talking about the guy your friend went into the office with, yeah?”

Jared could feel the blush spreading, why did this guy even remember that? Something felt off with this entire thing, the way the guard just stared at him, something between amusement and pity in his eyes.  
Chad looked from Jeff to Jared and then back to Jeff again, trying to understand what was causing the sudden tension in the air.

“Wow, awkward, but yeah,” he agreed. “Jayman here can't seem to forget the guy, some epic kind of man crush I think and... hey! Don't fucking hit me Jared!”

Jared scowled at Chad and turned to Jeff, ashamed or not it seemed to be better if he talked rather than letting Chad make fools of them both.

“You remember the guy then? Do you know who he is?”  
“Fucking hell, are you two for real?” Jeff said with a booming laugh. “Of course I remember the guy and of course I know who the fuck he is. You really saying you don't?”

This time both Jared and Chad stared at the man. What the fuck was happening here? They looked at each other, shared a shrug and then focused on the man again.

“I was surprised I was the only one that recognized him that night, sure this isn't the place you expect to find _his_ kind but still. The guys face was plastered all over town a few months ago.”

Jared choked at the words, remembering a discussion at his place. 'He looked familiar somehow.' When Jeff continued talking Jared felt the world tilt off centre.

“Do you guys live under a stone or something? Don't you watch movies? Or hell, billboards? That guy was **_Jensen Ackles_**!  


~*~


	3. Chapter 3

**~Jensen~**

Jensen heaved a long sigh as he put down the script. It was a good script, hell, it was an amazing script, but as with everything the last few weeks it just paled in comparison to his obsession with Dimples.  
Yes, it wasn't the best name but he had to call the man something, since Dimples still refused to leave his mind for any longer periods of time.  
It had been a month since he even spoke to his agent before she sent him the script, and obsession or not, he would have to call her before the angry voice mails turned into her knocking on his front door.

He figured he should take the role offered, the character was just up his alley even though he would have to do some research before he would be able to do 'Peter Dawn' justice. Roles like this was the reason he loved acting. At the start of his career he had been scared he would be stuck in the 'Eric Brady' kind of roles forever, but now he was just where he wanted to be, able to toss away scripts that didn't fit him. This one fit him: he reached for the phone and speed dialled his agent.

“I want 'Peter'.”  
“What was that? How have I been? Oh just great Jensen, thanks for asking. I am the best agent ever for getting you this script? Why thank you, so sweet of you to...”  
“Oh please, cut if off,” Jensen interrupted. “Yeah yeah, I haven't been in touch. You know when I told you 'I will take a few months off'? The 'will not talk to you daily' was implied there. I am back. Get me 'Peter'!”

He shut the phone off before she could go any further. As agents went she was phenomenal, as human beings went she was pretty much a failure. But she had gotten him the 'The Way We Lose' part. He would always be grateful for that, even though it got overwhelming to see his face plastered on billboards all over the country. The break had been necessary for him in order to not freak out.

Now he needed to get back to acting, and stop obsessing over Dimples. That was his plan and he was sticking to it!

Later in the evening he found himself at Chris' place, cold beer in hand while listening to his two friends working on their latest song. It was nice to pass time with Chris and Steve like this, soon he would be back making movies and the time he could spend with the guys would be limited once again. Friends for years and sometimes he missed them like a severed limb.

Suddenly the phone vibrated in his pocket and the two guys put down their instruments as Jensen looked at the display and then quickly answered it, surprised to see his agent call this soon after their earlier discussion.

“What's up, Cruella?”  
“That's cute, Ackles,” his agent snarled. “It's lucky you are bringing in the cash big time nowadays or I would dump your sarcastic ass.”  
“And it would break my heart, now spill!” Jensen drawled.  
“You got Peter.”  
“What? Seriously? That fast?” Jensen was on his feet without thinking.  
“No, I'm just joking.”

He could almost hear the eye roll as he started pacing back and forth in the living room, Steve and Chris watching his every move.

“Apparently, you were their first choice, so he was yours the second you showed interest.”  
“Fucking hell! If you weren't such a bitch I could kiss you!” Jensen exclaimed. “They actually had no problem with my demand?"  
“They were a bit surprised, obviously, but they agreed. But really Jensen, are you sure about this? It will make things harder. A lot harder."  
“I'm sure, I need to do this,” he said, a bit surprised by the fact that she called him Jensen. A clear sign that she was worried. “It will be okay. In the end it will be okay.”

As he ended the phone call Chris and Steve were standing up, moving towards him and then pausing, looking at each other and then at Jensen.

“Uhm Jen, was that good or bad news?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah, 'cause it was fucking hard to tell,” Chris added.

Jensen looked down at the phone in his hand and then at the questioning eyes of his friends before he chuckled and tossed the phone on the coffee table.

“Good news, fucking amazing news,” he grinned. “I got 'Peter Dawn', he's mine!”  
“Hell yeah!” his friends shouted in unison.  
“That's so cool, our little Jenny as a professor. Will you have glasses and all?”  
“But wait... if it's good news, what was that other shit about?” Steve wondered, always the one to worry. “Demands? Stuff you need to do?”  
“Oh right... that,” Jensen smiled at the ' _yeah, that_ ' look on Steve's face. “I demanded that the role would be mine, no matter my sexuality.”

Both Chris and Steve gaped at him.

“I plan to... you know... come out.”

 

 

**_~Jared~_ **

  
“Have you gotten him to speak yet?”  
“Nah, he's been sitting there since I got him home from the club two hours ago,” Chad said, looking down at Jared's slumped form on the sofa.  
Sophia nodded and sipper her glass of ice tea.  
“Guess it was quite a shock for him. Hell, it was a big shock for _me_ and for me he was only ever drool material.”

Sandy came out of the kitchen and sat down next to Sophia, her own glass in hand and a slightly frantic look in her eyes. She gave Jared a quick look and then turned to Chad and Sophia.

“So, we are sure it was him? I mean...”  
“No Sandy, this is all just a part of our grand master plan to make you believe Ackles is gay,” Chad muttered.  
“We don't know that he is,” Sandy protested. “He might swing both ways!”  
“Does it really make a difference, San? Gay or bi I am pretty sure Jay got dibs on him."

Both Sandy and Sophia winced at that statement and then turned around when Jared's low voice reached them.

“Dibs? What.. why...?”  
“Jayman, glad to see you joined the living again,” Chad smirked and walked over, handing his friend a beer.  
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Jared asked, accepting the beer eagerly. “I got dibs now?”  
“Now, come on, I needed to calm down the girls, they are a bit upset you got to fuck Jensen and they only get movies to drool over.”

Both Sandy and Sophia walked over and slapped the back of his head before they sat down on either side of Jared. Chad sat down on the coffee table, effectively locking Jared in.

“What he means,” Sophia said, “is that even though we are majorly crushing on Jensen Ackles, we will do all we can to get him for you. Of course we will.”  
“Yes,” Sandy agreed, “but if he does swing both ways, we want in on the action.”  
“Get him for me? Why the fucking hell would I want to get him?” Jared snapped angrily.

Chad, Sophia and Sandy all stared at him. Jared made a huffing sound and buried his face in his hands. Part of him just wanted to go into his bedroom and close the door, not coming out until that night was just a distant memory, until the weeks of longing were washed away. Another part wanted to to curse and yell, anything to get his friends to understand how broken he felt.

The second part won out.

“Why the fucking hell would I want to get him?” he repeated. “What do you think it was, some epic love story? It was sex. Big famous movie star found an easy lay, he probably thought I was star struck, a nice way for him to not have to work to get laid. Bet the ass does shit like that all the time, why would I be special?”

His three friends sighed. Sophia and Sandy put their hands on his shoulders, awkward half hugs but he needed them. Needed something to get past the hurt, the feeling of being betrayed. Chad on the other hand... well, Chad was Chad.

“You are a bloody moron, Jared,” Chad said slowly, ignoring the glares from the girls. “You just gonna let it go? Just like that? Three fucking weeks of only him, and when you get his name you just give up?”  
“What the... yeah, just like that, Chad,” Jared snarled. “He is a fucking movie star. I'm... nobody. So maybe that night meant something to me, but do you honestly believe he's given it one thought since then? How many guys you think he's fucked in clubs?”  
“I don't care if he fucked a hundred!” Chad said, annoyed. “And you aren't nobody, you are Jared! My big gay ass fruity friend who always go all in on everything.”

Jared stood up, attempting to get away but the girls quickly pulled him back down on the sofa and Chad leaned in, poking one finger to his chest.

“You will never forgive yourself if you don't try. And I will be the one to have to listen to your fucking whining, and trust me, three weeks is pretty much all I can take.”  
“Try what, Chad?” Jared growled. “What should I do? Buy a star-map and find his house? Go knocking on his door and ask if he remembers me? I doubt he wants people to know what he does in clubs, you know. Me showing up on his doorstep would probably lead to guards throwing me out. He used me, it didn't mean anything!”

Chad sighed. His friend could be amazingly stubborn once he got an idea in his head, the last three weeks were proof. But this? Chad was worried. Crushing was one thing but it hurt him to see his best friend this broken.  
But Chad had been there that night. He had seen the the way Jared and Jensen had looked at each other, the way nothing else seemed to matter and he was sure that Jared was wrong. That must have meant something.

 

  
**_~Jensen~_ **   


  
Jensen was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, every movement closely watched by Chris who was sitting on the kitchen counter. His insides were churning and every now and then he stopped, trying to feel if his breakfast was coming up again or if it was only his imagination.  
Coming out had seemed like a brilliant plan when he first mentioned it to his agent, but right now it scared the hell out of him. He hadn't expected her to work it this fast either, but done was done and the interview would hit the newsstand that day. Jensen had been a nervous wreck since he arrived on Chris' doorstep the night before.

“Why did I do this, Chris? What the fuck was I thinking?” Jensen stopped his pacing and looked over at his friend with panic in his eyes.  
“Beats me,” Chris grinned.  
“Oh fuck you, fuck you very much!” Jensen growled and turned his back on his so-called friend.  
“Jennyboy, don't be like that,“ Chris said with a laugh and jumped off the counter. “You did it because a) it's the fucking right thing to do, you need to be yourself and b) you are hoping this will bring your dream guy back into your arms!”

Jensen looked at Chris for a minute, then with a fast move he grabbed a damp dish rag and threw it straight in his friends face before he had any time to duck. Chris glared at him as he tossed the rag in the sink, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

“I think he kinda is,” Jensen mumbled, sinking down on a chair and letting his head drop down on the kitchen table. “Dream guy, I mean... it was just something with him.”  
“Well... duh,” Chris said with a smile and sat down on the chair across the table. “I was there, you know, I saw you with him. I have never seen you like that before. But one guy? This is LA and we are looking for one guy. It'll be a fucking miracle if we find him. We don't even know where to look.”  
“You're right, I know you're right, but I _need_ to find him. Hell, I need to talk to him if nothing else, what can he be thinking? I'm... well, I'm me, Chris. He is bound to understand who I am sooner or later and what will he think then? I need to explain that he... that I... that we...”

Jensen struggled to find the right words and Chris looked at him with sympathy.

“That it was special and he wasn't just your random one night stand and that you want to walk hand in hand on the beach and swap promise rings?” The softness of Chris' voice took the edge off the words.  
“Something like that, preferably without sounding like such a girl. Seriously though, Chris, what's happening? I feel like I'm losing myself here and I don't even mind.”

Chris was about to answer when they heard the front door opening, announcing Steve's arrival, and they went to meet him in the hallway. In one hand Steve held a magazine and in the other hand a six pack. Jensen thought that was a good idea, Chris' always had beer but this night would require a _lot_ of beer.

“I drove by your place, Jen,” Steve said while leading them into the living room. “There are reporters everywhere, way more than I had expected. Good thing you left there before they got a whiff of this story, to be honest.”  
“Oh god,” Jensen groaned and flopped down on the sofa eyeing the magazine in Steve's hand warily.

Chris took the beer into the kitchen to put them in the fridge and returned with three already cold bottles. For awhile the three friends sat in silence, none of them touching the magazine that Steve had tossed on the coffee table. Jensen wasn't sure he even wanted to read it. He had done the interview but who knew how they would have twisted it. He might look like the biggest idiot ever and no matter what he had said to his agent he knew that this would affect his career in some way or another. But deep inside he couldn't help it, he felt it was worth it. Anything to have chance of finding his dimpled stranger. The dreams didn't stop and he needed to know if the scenario his dreams offered could be real.

Jensen finally reached out one hand and took the magazine, his own face looking up at him from the cover and the headline “ **Guys rejoice - women cry your hearts out** ”. He just stared at it before he started laughing, didn't stop laughing until his belly ached and he had to gasp for air. When Chris saw the headline he joined in on the laughter and Steve just grinned widely. Jensen was pretty sure Steve had done his share of laughing when he bought the stupid magazine.

“Well, I guess they didn't see your coming out as a bad thing, eh?” Chris said with a grin.  
“Apparently not, but fucking hell.. I didn't expect them to... fuck. They are pretty much waving a rainbow flag here, you know,” Jensen said, still laughing softly.

The friends sat down close together so they could all read the article as Jensen flicked to the right page. Huh, centre fold, that was... yeah, wow. He felt like a pin-up model. From the way Chris smirked at him he guessed he wasn't the only one having that thought.  
Once he was finished reading he felt relief flood through his veins. The article wasn't what he had expected at all: it was good. It was actually really good.

“Damn, Jenny,” Chris said with a low whistle. “They love you, straight or gay. This is fucking brilliant!”  
“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “And the way you phrased it? Hell Jen, this is perfect! Now we just need to hope that Mystery Man reads it and I'm sure we'll get a happy ending.”

For the first time Jensen himself dared to really hope.

 

 

**_~Jared~_ **

  
“Holy moterfucking shit!” Chad shouted and dropped his coffee on the pavement as he stood staring at the news stand.

Sophia and Sandy turned to see what he was looking at and Chad thought he could hear their jaws hit the ground as all three just looked at the headline on the magazine in front of them.

“Does that mean...”  
“Holy.. he really is...”  
“We must buy...”

All three of them stopped and looked at each other, then Sophia pulled some bills out of her pockets, bought a copy and quickly opened it so they could see the article. The friends stood gaping at it, reading it time and time again while people gave them annoyed looks for standing in the way. None of them even noticed.  
Finally Sandy was the one to break the silence.

“We gotta show Jared this,” she mumbled.

And with that they walked the few blocks to Jared's apartment, all the time talking about the article and how Jared might react to it. The last week Jared had snapped at them if they dared so much as mention Jensen Ackles, and in the end they had chosen to drop the subject and only discuss it when Jared wasn't present. Outside the door they paused a little, collecting themselves, and then Chad went in without knocking, the girls following closely behind.

“Welcome, please, come inside,” Jared muttered sarcasticly from his spot on the sofa, putting down the book he had been reading.  
“Uhm, sweetie...” Sophia started.  
“Have you watched the TV today?” Sandy continued.

Jared frowned at them, looking at Chad for an explanation, but Chad seemed to be very interested in the floor. The girls looked at Jared with worried expressions.

“No? Been studying, got that exam from hell on American Literature coming up. Why?”  
“I need a beer!” Chad said and moved towards the kitchen. “We both do.”

That was when Jared spotted the magazine pressed to Sophia's chest and his eyes narrowed. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and stretched out one arm.

“Give it to me,” he said.

Both girls looked doubtful.

“Jay, I... maybe we should just tell you...”

Chad came back, handing Jared a beer and sitting down next to him on the sofa. Jared met his gaze and Chad did a little shrug and then nodded at the magazine.

“It's about _him_ , isn't it? Jared asked weakly.

His friends nodded as one and Jared took a gulp of beer but then he held out his hand again, waiting to be given the magazine. As much as he refused to talk about... him... the man hadn't left his mind during the last week, and no matter what he felt he needed to know what had his friends reacting like this. This time Sophia only hesitated a little before handing over the magazine and then she and Sandy sat down at his feet, backs resting against the sofa.  
The headline was the first he saw and he almost dropped his beer before he put it down on the table. Gold flecked green eyes met his from the cover and the pink text screamed at him.

“Guys rejoice - women cry your hearts out”, he read quietly and then looked up at his friends. “Is this for fucking real?”

No one replied, Sophia just reached up and opened the magazine to the article in question, and Jared started reading, trying to not look too much at the pictures of Jensen that accompanied the interview.  
As he put the magazine down he looked up and saw his friends looking at him, smiling.

“He mentioned me,” Jared mumbled, still not being able to grasp what he had read.  
“He sure as hell did!” Chad said with a smirk.

Sophia reached out and took the magazine back from Jared and read aloud.

“ ' _I have never tried to hide who I am, there just haven't been anyone special in my life since I started this career. Not anyone that I wanted to go public for_ , Jensen Ackles explains to us. _But I want to be honest for myself as well. And for my fans, who will hopefully stick by me no matter who I fall in love with_.',”

She smiled and handed the paper to Sandy.

“ 'This will be a sad day for the female population, but this reporter can see how relieved he seems with being able to talk about his sexuality. And when we ask him if there is someone in his life a blush spreads under those famous freckles. _I met someone a few weeks back, who I felt a connection with and I hope he felt that connection with me. Over the last few weeks... let's just say he's been on my mind. He has the cutest dimples you could ever imagine._ ' “

Chad took the magazine next and as he read the last part Jared was grinning wide.

“ 'When he speaks it's with obvious affection and we can only hope that whoever this man is, he feels the connection. Jensen Ackles, beautiful and talented, got this magazines full support and we hope that one guy out there knows how lucky he is',” Chad read and tossed the magazine on the table.

~*~


	4. Chapter 4

_**~Jensen~**_

  
Jensen put down the script and rubbed his tired eyes for... well, he didn't really know how many times he had done it by now. He couldn't really get into 'Peter's' headspace. Something was missing and it annoyed him as hell. He got out of his recliner and walked to the window, carefully trying to not be seen as he looked outside. The reporters weren't as many as they had been during the first days after the interview was published, but there were still enough of them to be annoying.

He knew he'd been silly to think one interview would fix everything, but he honestly hadn't thought beyond getting it done. The way he had imagined it, he would do the the interview and Dimples would contact his agent and he would know once and for all if the connection was mutual. And sure, his agent got contacted, the magazine got contacted... apparently by every gay man in the continental US. And then some. Dimpled and non-dimpled ones. His agent might just kill him if the emails, letters, chocolate and flowers didn't stop soon. With all the things people sent him, it seemed like he was back to finding one man in a sea of millions and he had started to despair.

Awhile later he heard angry voices outside. A smile curled his lips as he heard Chris yell at a reporter, telling him where he could kindly shove his fucking questions. A few minutes later they were at the door to his apartment, letting themselves in as usual.

"Jesus _fucking Christ_ ," Chris said as way of greeting.

Steve put down a few bags of takeaway on the kitchen table and Jensen went to fetch them some sodas and plates.

"You must be happy you don't live on the ground floor, or those vultures would be standing right outside your fucking window," Steve said and pulled out boxes of noodles, fried rice and other things that smelled amazing.  
"Oh yes," Jensen agreed. "I'm also glad the building got the security it does. I've even managed to sneak out via the garage a few times now."  
"Ah fuck, and here I thought we would get to use decoys and body doubles to get you outside," Chris said with an exaggerated sigh.

They sat down with the food, passing boxes back and forth and fighting over the egg rolls, all the while talking about the article and the constant presence of reporters. Jensen explained the reactions that had reached him after the interview had been published.

"It really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sure the reporters outside are a fucking pain in my ass, but mostly the reactions have been good. I think Perez fucking Hilton will write me love letters soon, the way he gushes over me."  
"Hah, that guy only thinks with his dick, Jen," Chris laughed. "He just want's to get in your pants."  
"Still no luck with Dimples though?" Steve asked with concern.

Jensen frowned, stretched out to snag the last egg roll and dipped it in soy sauce.

"None what-so-fucking-ever," he grumbled. "He might have written, but hell if I know. I literally get hundreds of letters each day and can't go through them all. Think they put someone on reading them, but they might miss it."

Steve nodded a little at that while Chris stood up and got them more soda. Instead of sitting down again he went to the window, opened it and the second they heard the sound of the reporters he stuck one hand out and flipped them off before returning to the table.

"What the fuck was that about?" Jensen laughed.  
"Felt like it," Chris shrugged and opened his soda. "Aaaanyways, what you gonna do now?"  
"I'll figure something out," Jensen said, still smiling. "But while I do I seriously need to work on 'Peter'. Fuck, I never did the whole college thing, and I sure as hell never did the college professor thing."  
"Well, go visit the campus? We can deck you out in sunglasses and a trench coat and none will be the wiser. Talk to some people, ask questions," Steve suggested.

And that was how Jensen found himself dressed in faded jeans and soft green tee, standing in front of the campus building feeling very doubtful about this idea. The dark tinted wrap around sunglasses hid his green eyes from view and he hoped that combined with the baseball cap they would keep him from getting recognized. The trench coat idea had been over the top.  
He sent a pleading look back at the car but Chris and Steve just pointed at the building and mouthed the word " _go_ ".

Steve's idea had been a good one, but right now it felt more like a terrifying one as he walked around the campus. So many people and any one of them might recognize him and then there would be screaming. Also, he was sure every single fucking one of them was carrying a camera phone.

 

 

**_~Jared~_ **

  
Chad and Sophia were waiting as Jared came out from his last lecture. Well, maybe not so much waiting as they were making out eagerly outside the door to the lecture hall. Jared cleared his throat and laughed as they jumped apart, both flushing deeply.

"So you both finally caved in?" he asked and then laughed even more as Sophia turned a deeper shade of red.  
"I..." Chad looked down at the girl next to him. "I hope so..."

Sophia looked up at him and then nodded shyly, braiding her fingers together with his and a wide smile spread on Chad's face.

Jared was happy. His two friends had been dancing around each other for months now, one date here and one there, almost getting together time and time again. It was nice that at least one love story got a happy ending, even if he did have hope for his own as well.

"Have you written to him yet?" Sophia asked. Apparently she could read minds now.  
"No, I've been working on it, and I feel terrible for it taking this long," Jared sighed. "But I want it right. And hey, I bet he's gotten love letters from every gay guy in town, so it might be good to hold off a bit, you know. Anyhow, are you two done for the day?"  
"Almost," Sophia said. "I need to go have a quick chat with one of my professors, and then we can head out. It's Friday, we got any plans?"

Chatting happily, the three friends made their way across the campus, only to find that the professor wasn't where Sophia had hoped to find him. A few questions to the other teachers told them he was out showing someone around campus.

"They said it was someone doing research," Sophia grumbled. "So now I have to either wait here, or search around campus to find him. I need to talk to him before the weekend. Let's go look for him?"

Jared and Chad agreed and they set out again, eyeing the crowd as they went, Sophia cursing under her breath most of the way. She was about to give up and head back to wait for him when she spotted him at the top of the main stairs of the big atrium, talking to a guy in a baseball cap. Sophia weaved her way through the throng of people, Chad and Jared in tow, and as she got closer she called out.

"Professor Singer!"

Professor Robert Singer looked over the shoulder of the man he was speaking to and waved them over. The stranger turned around to see who had yelled and... Jared felt the world fade away around him as he froze mid step. Baseball cap and sunglasses did nothing to hide who that was. He _knew_.He thought he would have recognized him anywhere. Even at this distance he could _feel_ him, his presence like a beacon in Jared's mind.  
Chad and Sophia gasped, looking up the stairs and then back at Jared and back up again. Singer looked confused, clearly feeling the tension that suddenly made the air between the two men thick as syrup.

Then the man at the top of the stairs removed the baseball cap and the sunglasses, handing them to the professor without thinking, and Jared could see those emerald green eyes clearly. They were locked with his own and the other man seemed as amazed as Jared felt. Jared took one small step forward and that movement made a smile light up the other man's face as he started to move down the stairs.  
They met at the base of the stairs, stopping just a few steps apart and Jared smiled, dimples in full effect.

"Hey," he said softly.  
"Hey," came the quiet answer.  
"My name is Jared."  
"I'm Jensen."

Jared laughed and he saw a flush creep up Jensen's neck.

"Yeah, I kinda figured."

Jensen looked up at him, biting his lower lip in a way that made something warm stir deep inside Jared. And then the slow smile returned and that was enough to make Jared forget everything but this moment. He didn't know who moved first but his arms were around Jensen's waist at the same time as Jensen's came up around his neck, twisting into his hair, and then their lips met.

 

 

**~Jensen~**

  
Jensen leaned on the kitchen counter looking at Jared as the tall man opened the fridge and retrieved two beers. Watching Jared might just be his new favourite way to pass time. He had barely taken his eyes off the man since they had met again.  
His brain hadn't really caught up to what had happened at the campus. Professor Singer had shown him around the campus, explaining details about the students and his own work and Jensen had loved it, every moment feeling closer to 'Peter Dawn'. And then as they had been standing there at the top of the stairs someone had called out for the professor.  
When he had turned around to look down the atrium he had been in shock, to see Dimples _right there_ when he had all but given up. And the man had recognized him right away, cap and glasses be damned. That second everything else had stopped to matter and he hadn't even thought about cameras or reporters when he had removed his 'disguise' and moved down the stairs.

Thinking back on it he didn't really know how long they had been kissing, the world around him had faded when he saw Jared and disappeared completely the second their lips met. When they had finally pulled apart Jared's friends had been almost bouncing with excitement and Jensen hadn't cared about the whispers around him, hadn't heard that people whispered his name or that there had been camera flashes. What did that matter when he had Jared in his arms?

Jared's friends, Sophia and Chad, had helped them to escape the campus. He was grateful for that. They had also promised to explain to Robert Singer what had happened. And now, here he was, in Jared's apartment, in his kitchen.

"Hey, earth to Jensen," Jared said with a smile, wrapping one arm around Jensen's waist and pulling him along to the living room.  
"Sorry," Jensen said with a blush. "Kinda... a lot to take in. Fuck, this day didn't really turn out like I thought it would."  
"You don't say? I was gonna go home, write you a letter. Been working on it since that interview. Seriously... _fuck_ , that interview... I can't believe you _did_ that."

Jensen laughed. No, he couldn't really believe it either, but being here, now, he had no regrets about it. Hell, he would hug and kiss the reporters camping outside of his place if it meant he could have this.  
They sat down on the sofa, facing each other and just stayed quiet for awhile. Jensen still couldn't wrap his mind around the last two hours. He didn't really know what to say, what to do. Then Jared broke the silence.

"You weren't the only one," he said with a shy smile, dimples flashing. "To feel a connection, I mean. I don't do things like that."  
"Except for when you do?" Jensen teased.  
"Except for when I do. Except for when it's you, I guess. And shoot me now, I sound like a girl."

Jensen laughed but instead of speaking he put the beer down and pulled Jared into his arms, melding their lips together. He thought he would be able to do this forever, just kiss Jared. Exploring his mouth, licking into it and mapping out its soft curves, tasting something that was intoxicating, sweet and fully _Jared_. Jared moaned into his mouth, shakily putting his own beer on the table before he wrapped his arms around Jensen and gave himself fully to their kissing.  
Pushing the other man back against the cushions Jensen moved on to slowly sucking on Jared's lower lip and then dragging his teeth over it, shiver of satisfaction running down his spine when Jared whimpered and arched up against him. Their kisses went back and forth, slow and exploring, hard and demanding and then slowing down again until both were moaning and gasping for air.

All the questions of the last few weeks melted away as Jensen felt those full lips under his, as he let his tongue trace the outline of Jared's cupids bow. He felt Jared's hands moving down over his sides, and without thinking he rolled his hips down into Jared's, both men gasping as their hard cocks brushed through double layer of denim.  
Jensen raised himself up and looked down at Jared, looking into those hazel eyes, and just as in his dreams he could see his own lust and need mirrored.

"I want to see where this leads," he said, softly brushing his lips against Jared's. "Not only sexually, I want to get to know you, but, fuck Jared..." he rolled his hips down again and Jared's eyelids fluttered shut as he moaned with pleasure. "But right now, I really wanna take this to the bedroom."  
"Yeah..." Jared mumbled against his lips. "Bedroom..."

They didn't stop kissing while working their way down the hall towards the bedroom, leaving discarded pieces of clothing behind them on the way before they stumbled through the door and practically fell on the bed. Soon they were both naked and Jensen had to stop for a second to take in all of that golden skin in front of him, slowly stroking his hands down sculptured abs and narrow hips.

"Oh, I'm gonna take my time with you..." he mumbled and smiled as he felt Jared shiver beneath his fingertips.

As he looked up and met Jared's eyes he saw that they were almost black, pupils blown wide with raw lust and it felt like his heart missed a beat as his own want swept over him. He brushed their lips together, felt Jared's tongue snake out to meet his before he continued to kiss down the other man's jaw and down his neck. He could feel a strong pulse beating under the tip of his tongue and he stopped to suck the blood to the surface, teasing with tongue and teeth until Jared was writhing under him, wordlessy pleading with the way his hips rolled up against Jensen.  
It was tempting to just go for it, but Jensen knew what he wanted to do. They had already done this with a desperate need once and this time he wanted it to last. Slowly he started kissing down Jared's chest until he felt one already hard nipple under his lips, tracing it with his tongue and then breathing on it, enjoying the way his lovers skin reacted to that little puff of air. Jared tried once again to arch up against him but this time Jensen pinned him down as he moved to the other nipple, forcing Jared to just accept what Jensen was doing to him, and the way he moved under Jensen was clear proof that he enjoyed it.

He let his lips kiss soft trails down Jared's stomach, tongue tracing the outline of firm muscles and tasting warm skin. Moving a little he kissed his way over skin stretched taut over hipbones and then without warning he let his tongue paint a trail down Jared's hard cock.

"Fucking hell, Jen..." he heard Jared growl above him, stretching out one of those big hands and grabbing Jensen's hair tight, pushing him down against his crotch.

Jensen put up no resistance, instead he just let his tongue swirl around the head of Jared's cock and re-positioned himself to get a better angle before he let the hard flesh slide deep into his mouth. He was rewarded with a gasp from Jared and a sudden snap of hips that forced Jared's cock to bottom out against the back of his throat. He couldn't stop the low groan of appreciation at having that cock in his mouth, _finally_. It was all he had hoped for, soft hardness and a salty taste that sent sparks of want to his own cock. Jared had let go of Jensen's hair, instead his fingers dug into the sheet, opening and closing as he let the waves of pleasure flood him.

A low moan rumbled up from Jensen as he started sucking the length of Jared, savouring the salty taste and letting his tongue sweep over the slit to collect more pre-come. He loved the way Jared tasted, the weight of Jared on his tongue and the sound of him in his ears. He let out a low humming and then smiled around the cock stretching his lips as he felt the other man shiver at the sensations the humming gave.

Even though he wanted to do this for long, he doubted he would be able to take much more himself. He still had places he wanted to taste so he pulled off, Jared's cock leaving his mouth with a wet sound and a disappointed groan from the other man.

"Get on all fours. Now." Jensen commanded, letting all his need show as he locked eyes with Jared.  
"Oh god... yes..." Jared whimpered and with one graceful move he was on his knees in front of Jensen.

Jensen had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down and not come right then and there. Jared looked amazing like this, long lean back with muscles that flexed as he pushed his ass against Jensen. And what an ass. Jensen didn't even stop to think, instead he just put his hands on rounded cheeks, pulling Jared's ass open and before the man could react Jensen pushed his tongue against the pink opening.  
It was like a bolt of electricity had been sent through Jared's body, the way he tensed up and then pushed back against that probing tongue. Jensen didn't need more invitation than that as he started circling the rim with slow licks, wetting it until Jared was relaxed enough for his tongue to slide in easily. The sounds that came from Jared was wet and raw and he tried to push back against Jensen as he started to slowly tongue fuck the pink opening. Tasting Jared like this was so hot that Jensen thought his brain might just give up any second. The way that tight hole flexed around the tip of his tongue drove him half insane with lust and a need to be buried deep inside.

Suddenly Jared moved away from him and Jensen growled in frustration, reaching for those narrow hips to pull him back down to his tongue, but then he saw that Jared had reached for the night stand, opening the drawer there and picking out a condom and a bottle of lube. The only thought that managed to form in Jensen's mind was godyesnow as Jared turned around and with one quick movement slid the condom down Jensen's rock hard cock and then stroked out lube on him. Biting his lower lip, Jensen hissed at the pleasure radiating from Jared's touch, breathing in small fast breaths to try and keep his orgasm back. When Jared was back in his previous position he reached back and dipped his own lube covered fingers inside his spit glistening hole and that there... was the hottest thing Jensen had ever seen.

"Jesus... fucking.. Christ..." he gasped as he felt his cock twitching.  
"Now, _please_ , Jen... god, fuck me, please, _need_ ," Jared groaned, too turned on to be coherent.  
"No..." Jensen mumbled and he saw Jared tense up but before the man had time to react Jensen continued. "Not like this..."

Jared turned his head, eyes dark with lust and when he saw Jensen's smile his lips parted to a perfect 'o' as Jensen flipped him on his back and quickly aligned himself, slick cock head against tight ring of muscle. When he started pushing in Jared wrapped his long legs around Jensen's waist, arching up suddenly, and with a surprised curse Jensen found himself buried all the way inside Jared. The two men both stayed still, adjusting to the feel of each other before Jared nodded and circled his hips in invitation to get Jensen moving.

Jensen pulled almost all the way out, only the crown of his cock still buried inside and then his hips snapped forward, burying him in that perfect silky heat again with a loud moan that was echoed by Jared. Without thinking he fell forward, crashing their lips together and swallowing his lovers moans as he started a slow pace in and out, a slight rolling of his hips to hit Jared's prostate, and he was rewarded with that tight ass becoming even tighter as Jared's muscles clenched together at the sudden, intense pleasure.

The way Jared's body moved under his sent fire down his spine, hips coming up to meet his thrusts and tongue tangling with his own. Their mouths trading moans and gasps as their bodies moved in perfect rhythm. This was beyond anything he had ever dreamed or imagined. Bodies fitting perfectly together, melding together, and Jensen knew he wouldn't last long. As he picked up speed, thrusting hard and hitting the sweet spot on every stroke, Jared became unable to keep the kisses going, instead it was lips on lips and shared breaths as their orgasms built in them like hot lava. Jensen managed to change his position enough so that he could reach down and wrap his hand around Jared's leaking cock, and that was all it took.

Jared came with a half swallowed shout, hot sticky come spilling over Jensen's hand as that long lean body arched up against him, ass clamping down around Jensen and bringing him over the edge. As he came deep inside Jared their lips met again and he moaned into his lover's mouth, kissing hungrily until he wasn't able to keep himself up any more, his full weight resting on Jared's chest while the two men let the aftershocks of their climaxes die away.

"Oh wow," Jensen mumbled as Jared's arms came up around him, stroking over his sweat covered back.

A low laughter from Jared had Jensen gasping as the body under him moved in interesting ways. He could feel the laughter in his cock where he still was buried deep inside. With a last moan he pulled out and discarded the condom before laying on his side, looking at his lover. Jared turned, facing him on the bed and then pulled Jensen close, their limbs tangling on sweaty sheets. Jensen lifted his come covered hand up to his face, licking with deliberate slowness, not taking his eyes off Jared and smiling as the other man's breath hitched in his throat.

He bent over, kissing Jared and letting the man taste himself in the kiss, before he rested his head on Jared's chest with a sated smile on his lips.

"I guess we should get to know each other now?" Jared said with a smile, running one hand through Jensen's hair.  
"How can you still be speaking?"  
"I'm younger, I've got more stamina," Jared laughed, lips touching Jensen's forehead.  
"Mmhmm..." Jensen said with a yawn. "We gonna test that theory. Later. Sleep now, and then I will tell you everything you want to know."

~*~

 

_**~13 months later~** _

  
Chris and Steve was on the sofa, looking at Jensen with humour in their eyes. He knew they wanted to make fun of him. That's what friends do, after all, but really, now? For a minute he stopped pacing back and forth and eyed himself in the big mirror instead.

"I look like a penguin!"

His friends nodded solemnly as Jensen stroked out an imagined crinkle on the sleeve of his tuxedo. Right now he really wished he could have attended the opening night of his movie dressed in jeans and his favourite leather jacket instead of this stiff thing. If nothing else it would be worth the look on his agents face if he arrived on the red carpet dressed like that.

Chad popped his head out of the kitchen and looked him up and down before he grinned.

"Shouldn't you have a purple or pink tux? That one looks way too fucking manly for a pretty girl like you, Jenny," he teased.

Jensen didn't bother to respond, he just flipped him off and then looked up the stairs when Sophia and Sandy came bouncing down, both looking really pleased with themselves. When he looked behind them he felt his mouth go dry at the look of the tall man standing there.  
The elegant black tuxedo showed off Jared's body perfectly, broad shoulders and narrow hips. Jensen didn't know what the girls had done to the man's usually shaggy hair, but now it was sleek and shiny and Jensen wanted to run his hand over it to feel if it was as soft as it looked. Jared seemed a bit worried, but when he saw the look in Jensen's eyes he smiled wide, dimples in full effect as he walked down the stairs.

"Mr. Padalecki, are you ready?" Jensen said, holding his hand out.  
"Oh, Mr. Ackles, I am the luckiest boy ever to have you as my date," Jared drawled, battering his eyelashes at Jensen.

The girls 'awwww'd' as one, but their male friends groaned and Chris threw a pillow at them.

"I love you, Jared," Jensen said, leaning in for a kiss.  
"And I love you, Jensen," Jared said, fusing their lips together. "Now let's go to this premiere."  
"Yeah, after all, I have a fiancé I need to show off to the press!"

~*~  



	5. Timestamp: Five times Jared watched Jensen kiss someone else..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five times Jared watched Jensen kiss someone else, and one time he didn't have to

_**~1~** _

Jared sat staring at his monitor. It had been a really stupid idea, but he was still in shock from what Jeff had told him and Chad. Jensen Ackles! Jared had slept with Jensen Ackles. The information had his head spinning, he couldn't really understand it. Things like that didn't happen, it wasn't how life worked. It was the stuff of stupid Hollywood movies, predictable plots and happily ever after endings.

He glared at the monitor again, at the too-perfect face of Jensen Ackles. The man was smiling to the camera, green eyes sparkling, and Jared had to stop himself from reaching out to stroke a finger over those plush lips. It wasn't like the night had meant anything, just a night off for the big movie star. A night for the guy to let loose, and apparently that consisted of Jensen fucking Jared in a dark back office of some crappy club.

With a sigh, Jared cued up the next picture and another perfect movie star smile of Jensen's. He eyed the picture with a frown; why did they use make-up to cover those perfect freckles? Or maybe they airbrushed them away. Jared didn't care; either way it was stupid, and also...he didn't care.

He went from the picture gallery to YouTube, typed in 'Jensen Ackles,' and started going through videos, because apparently he was a sucker for punishment now.

It wasn't until a few videos in that he reached one that was obviously from one of Jensen's movies. He looked different in a perfectly-cut suit, and his hair was lighter than it had been that night at the club. He was kissing a girl, really kissing her, and Jared could feel his insides turn to ice as he watched. He knew how those full lips felt, how that mouth tasted, how that tongue could move.

He wanted to be that girl.

_**~2~** _

"Movie night!" Chad called as he opened the door.

Jared looked up from his book as his friends filed in, carrying beer and bags of snacks. He wasn't really surprised—they did that a lot; he wasn't really sure when his place had turned into their group headquarters, but he knew better than to argue.

"What are we watching?" Jared asked, putting his book down as Sophia tossed him a bag of chips.

"Every movie Jensen Ackles has ever made." Sandy grinned and sat down beside him.

"What?" Jared looked back and forth between his friends.

"You know, Jensen Ackles, the hot guy who talked about your dimples in a nationwide magazine? Seriously, does this ring any bells?" Chad smirked and started handing out beers.

"Thank you, yes, I do know who Jensen is. Now, why are we having a marathon?"

"Apparently," Chad sighed, "the girls think that since you three want to drool over him, I got no say in the matter."

He really knew better than to argue, and besides, after that article, he didn't especially feel like arguing. He felt like watching Jensen for hours and hours and if his friends were thinking along the same lines, who was he to protest?

An hour later, his eyes were firmly locked on the TV and he was barely aware of his friends' presence at his sides anymore because... Well, it was Jensen. Jensen fucking Ackles. Jensen Ackles who liked Jared's dimples, who had been thinking about him.

On the screen, Jensen moved up to his co-star and put his arms around her, tilting her head to the side as their lips met. Jared knew it was only a movie kiss; it was all fake and it meant nothing. That didn't stop him from being jealous. 

_**~3~** _

"You really don't need to worry," Jensen said as he pulled Jared along. "They all know about you."

Jared followed hesitantly as his boyfriend led them both out onto the set. Every head turned to look at them and Jared really wished he wasn't 6'4", that he could actually hide behind Jensen instead of towering over him. He saw several eyes flicker down to where their fingers were entwined and it made Jared grab Jensen's hand even harder.

"C'mon, Jay," Jensen said with a smile. "You wanted to see me work, so here we are. It's lucky Bigelow loves me, or you wouldn't be here!"

"Jenny," a female voice broke in. "Don't scare him off!"

Jared still hadn't fully grasped that he was actually with Jensen Ackles—that was a huge thing, but now he was standing face to face with Kathryn Bigelow and Jared could feel his jaw drop. Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow. Right there. His belly did a little flop at the same time that his brain told him that bouncing around really was beneath him.

"Why don't you come sit with me while Jenny get the last of his make-up done?" she said with a smile.

"Uhm...yeah, wow, thanks," Jared managed to gasp out.

"Be nice, Kat," Jensen said, giving Jared's hand one last squeeze. "He's a fan, so he might have problems talking to you."

Jared glared at his boyfriend while Kathryn laughed warmly.

When Jensen was done in make-up and back on set, Jared realized that maybe he hadn't chosen the best day to come and admire his boyfriend, because of course they were filming a kiss scene. Jared chewed on his lower lip and kept repeating ' _He's gay...he's gay...she's pretty but he's gay_ ' over and over again in his head.

It didn't calm his as much as it should have when they kept shooting the scene over and over again because something seemed to go wrong every time. Jared's eyes were glued to Jensen as he dipped the girl down and pressed their lips together.

_**~4~** _

It wasn't a big party, some smaller gathering of Chris's; that was the only reason Jared had said yes when Jensen had asked him to come. It still felt weird for him to be hanging out with movie stars and musicians instead of drunk college students.

"Jay, it's Chris, we've known each other since high school. It's not a big deal," Jensen comforted him as they stood outside the door of the apartment. He reached out to brush his hand through Jared's hair.

"Jen, I don't care how long you've known each other, there'll be famous people there. I'm not famous! I'm... I'm no one."

"Chris isn't super-famous, you know," Jensen said with a smile. "He and Steve do okay but really, these people are friends, just friends who are maybe sometimes on a concert stage or a movie set."

"Way to calm my nerves," Jared grumbled.

"Besides, you're famous now. Haven't you seen all the pictures of us in the gossip rags?" Jensen said with a wide grin.

"Really not helping!" Jared protested with a pout.

Jensen smiled and opened the door. They were met with the heavy beat of country rock and Jared recognized some of Chris and Steve's music. When they went into the apartment, people kept greeting Jensen and throwing curious looks at Jared.

"Jensen!" a loud squeal sounded above the music and laughter of the room.

They both looked around to see a beautiful redheaded girl bouncing towards them, weaving in between the dancing and chatting people in the apartment. Jared tensed up as the girl in question threw herself at Jensen.

"Danneel," Jensen gasped as he got the air knocked out of him. "I didn't even know you were in town."

"I am, and oh I wanted to see you since I saw that article! Boy, I'm so proud of you!"

She wrapped both of her arms around Jensen's neck and pressed her lips against his. Jared was just about to say something when he realized Jensen was still holding his hand, the firm touch and a soft stroke of his thumb showing that even though he had some girl's warm lips against his, his focus was clearly on Jared. 

_**~5~** _

"No, just...no!" Jensen said, backing away from the group sitting in a circle on the floor.

Jared looked at the scene in front of him as he came back from the kitchen, one beer in each hand.

"What you doing?" he asked, handing his boyfriend a beer.

"We aren't doing anything!" Jensen said, voice too high pitched to seem relaxed. "Chris and Danni think we should play Truth or Dare and I'm _not_ doing that beca..."

"Oh, I love Truth or Dare!" Jared said, smiling happily at his boyfriend.

Jensen stared at him like he had just gone insane, mouth open wide as he looked from the circle on the floor to Jared and back again. Jared wrapped one arm around Jensen's waist and rested his chin on his boyfriend's head.

"Pleeeease?" he said with a little whine.

"Oh damnit."

Chris and Danneel high fived as the two of them sat down with the others on the floor and Jensen reached for the bottle.

"I am _so_ starting this!" he growled. "And I want it to be known that I hate you all. Jared the most!"

Jared laughed and winked at Danneel. He could barely remember that he had once been jealous of her—she _had_ kissed Jensen, and Jared was caveman enough to want to slap anyone who did that, pretty girl or not. But he'd soon found out that Danni kissed pretty much everyone, even him, and that was the last proof he ever needed that he was 100% gay; if Danni didn't turn him on, no girl ever would.

Jensen spun the bottle and smirked when it landed on Danni.

"Truth or Dare?" he asked.

Jared had to fight back a laugh at how pleased Jensen looked.

"Truth," Danni said with a sweet smile.

Jensen looked around the circle with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Have you ever had sexual fantasies about anyone in this circle?" he asked.

Danni looked at him for a moment and then burst out laughing.

"Oh sweetie, of course I have. I imagine you and Jay together all the time!"

Jared and Jensen both stared at her as she grinned and spun the bottle, smiling wide when it landed pointing straight at Chris.

"Truth or Dare?" she chirped.

"Dare!" Chris said boldly.

"Oh, yay!" Danni said and they could all see Chris pale a bit.

She picked up the bottle and twirled it around before handing it over to Chris, wicked smile on her lips.

"Spin it, and whoever it lands on, you must kiss. Tongue and all."

"What?" Chris gasped. "But there are mostly guys here!"

"Well, sucks to be you then, but honey, you chose dare." The smile on Danni's lips was sweet enough to cause diabetes.

Chris growled and spun the bottle hard. They all sat watching it spin around for a long time until it started to slow down, every lap slower than the one before, until it finally stopped, pointing straight at Jensen. Jared couldn't help it; he burst out laughing when he saw the stunned looks on both Chris's and Jensen's faces. The others joined in, but Danni made a kind of 'get on with it' gesture and Chris tossed her a dark look as he leaned over towards Jensen.

"Let's never speak of this again," he grumbled.

"Oh, never ever ever," Jensen agreed.

Their lips met and Jared could see a slight movement of tongues, but it all seemed so awkward that he burst out laughing again. 

_**~6~** _

"I can't do this, Jen, I seriously can't!" Jared said, feeling like he was close to hyperventilating.

"Baby, you can," Jensen said, stroking Jared's hair softly. "You've been with me on the red carpet before."

"Jen, this is the Academy Awards!" Jared practically whimpered as he looked out through the tinted windows, a sea of people lined the sidewalks.

"I know, I know, it's all big and scary, but I want you there with me. The nomination means nothing if I can't have you by my side."

"Ackles, you play dirty." Jared sighed and straightened his tux.

"Yes, I do," Jensen said, and he stroked a finger over the ring on Jared's finger.

That small touch alone was enough to calm all of Jared's worries. What did all those people matter if he had Jensen at his side? Jensen who wanted _him_ , a college student, a _nobody_.

When the door to the limo opened, the whirrs and clicks of the cameras were overwhelming; the only reason Jared could even breathe was the grounding touch of Jensen, holding his hand firmly as they walked down the red carpet side by side. They were stopped a few times for Jensen to answer interview questions, but not once did Jensen let go of his hand and even though Jared kept silent, he was ever present beside Jensen.

They sat down in their seats and Jared was amazed at how close they were to the stage. It all seemed surreal to him; the rich softness of the chairs, the dusty smell of the theatre.

The evening went on and Jared had to admit that it was an entirely different thing being there in person as opposed to watching it on the TV with his friends. The atmosphere was amazing and he knew he had laughed loudly several times. And then came the presentation of the nominees for Best Supporting Actor. Jared had known about it for months, had been there when Jensen got the call that made him breathless, sinking down on the floor and shaking, but hearing it there was an entire new thing for the both of them.

"Jensen Ackles - _Finding a Way Out_."

Jensen had a small, polite, almost shy smile on his lips as the big screens showed clips from the movie, but his grip on Jared's hand tigthened as Katie Cassidy walked back up to the microphone, a small envelope in her hand.

"And the Oscar goes to..." she said, hands quivering as she opened the envelope and looked down on the paper in her hand. "Jensen Ackles, for _Finding a Way Out_."

The applause was thunderous, but all Jared could see was the way Jensen's face lit up, a bright smile stretching those plush pink lips. Jared knew how this would go; he had seen enough Academy Awards to know about the chaste kiss on the cheek that actors always seemed to give their partners. Jensen apparently hadn't seen the same shows, though, as he leaned over and pressed their lips together in front of a hundred cameras, in front of the whole world.

~*~


End file.
